Maybe I love him
by MysticVeil
Summary: I knew I couldn't kill him. And I think it's because I love him. Will we survive? I don't know. I pray that we do.
1. Chapter 1

_**Maybe I do understand Cato better than I think.**_

It all started when I made blew up the Career's supplies...

_I was on my feet, the string of my bow pulled back, rubbing against my lip. The arrow was ready to fly. I had been out of range for the previous arrow, but I knew I wasn't now. I took a breath, pulled back and let the sharp arrow fly. _

_"What the hell have you done!?" _

_I jump, and I see the face of the killer. And then the bombs explode and we both go flying through the air and the world goes black. _

_I wake up when it is dark out. My body is screaming. My muscles feel like they have been hit by rocks. My head is throbbing and there is blood running down my neck from my ear. I reach up... And I can't hear. I become panicked. I rely on my hearing as much as I do my sight. While I am silently freaking out about my hearing, I feel something move beside me. Only then do I notice the person lying beside me. I lurch backwards, and fear swells up inside of me. It is dark out, but I can make out the silhouette of a very tall boy. Cato. There is a soft beam of moonlight on his pale blonde hair, making the red blood on his head gleam. _

_Cato slowly sits up. His hand shoots to his head, and he groans loudly. He didn't seem to notice me, but then his eyes drift up and lands on me, frozen in spot. _

_"You," he growls and then he jumps, landing on me. My body screams in protest as his weight crushes me. I land on my back, my head lands on a rock. _

_"Please, get off!" I cry out involuntarily. _

_"You blew up our supplies," he yelled. _

_"Well, I'm not sorry." I spit out. _

_He snarls, but then I use the strength I had to smash my head against his. I feel his warm blood transfer to my head. He cries and falls backwards. I reach for my arrows, which mercifully, are near me. I string my arrow, and point it at Cato. He was clutching his head, and I knew then he was hurt badly. Suddenly, my anger for Cato fades. _

_"You're hurt," I whisper. _

_"You get the award for stating the obvious," he growls. _

_"Stop being a jerk and just let me help you." I say. He glares at me, but he must be disoreiented from the explosion that he nods. I put my bow down and scoot over to him. He is already lying down, but he props himself up on his elbows as I check his wound. It is hard to see, so I make him move into the moonlight. The wound isn't overly bad, but it is a deep cut on his head. _

_"Do you have a knife?" I ask him. I need something to soak up the blood, but the only thing I could use is a strip of cloth from a shirt. _

_"Yes," he said and pulled out a sharp knife from his pocket. I take it, and because it's my fault he got the wound in the first place, I cut a strip of cloth from my shirt. I crumple up the cloth and then carefully dab the blood away. Once it was clean, I examined the cut. Then something caught my eye, a small flower that my mother uses to keep infection out of cuts. I pull a few of the small buds off the stem and then stuff a few of them into the deep cut. _

_"What are you doing?" he growls. _

_"These keep infection out," I respond. "But you will need to change them in a few hours." I add. I finish, and then wrap the strip of cloth around his head. I tie it, and then look at my work. _

_"There, that will have to do." I whisper. I stand, and back away from him. _

_"Where are you going?" he asks, hopping to his feet. _

_"Your friends will be looking for you. They will kill me," I respond. Cato nods, and then he reaches up to my neck, and frowns. He pulls me into he moonlight, and examines my neck. Without a word, he retrieves the knife from the ground, rips his shirt, and wraps a cloth around my neck, stopping the bleeding. He nods, and then walks away, shadows engulfing him. _

_What just came over me? I should have shot him on the spot, while he was weak. But I couldn't. _

_Am I allowing myself to fall for a heartless killer?_

_Yes... I think I am. _

o0o

The X on Cato's hand is bright and red, practically flashing "Hit me! Hit me!"

In one second, I send the arrow flying. Another second, Cato realizes what's happening. In the second following, regret slams down on my shoulders, knocking the wind out of me. Peeta slammed into him and Cato has fallen to his most certain death. Why do I feel regretful? Because just before Peeta knocked him off the Cornucopia, Cato looked at me… his eyes locked on mine… and he mouthed something.

"I wouldn't have killed you."

Memories from the night of the explosion flooded back. The night I came to terms with the feelings I had for him. I was trembling; the bow has fallen from my hands. Peeta, who I had grabbed before he fell off the Cornucopia, is now standing beside me. He has a small smile on his lips, which makes me want to slap him. Even with his pure hatred for Cato, he should not have a smile on his face. I also think something happened to Peeta… he seems different. He puts his arm around me… and I have the feeling to push it off, but I don't. The terrible snarls, the growls and the howls of pain from both human and beast fill the air. I hear the occasional death scream of a mutt, but the screams of pain from Cato are scaring me. I can't help but think of what he said to me… _I wouldn't have killed you_. Maybe he was lying? It doesn't matter now. I will never be able to find out the truth because Cato will be dead, and he will never know how I felt, but then a scream made me look back at Cato. The battle has moved to side of the Cornucopia, and I suddenly realize what Cato is trying to do. He is trying to make his way back to the tail of the Cornucopia and rejoin us.

In one second, I have decided that is what he is going to do.

I run away from Peeta and to the side where Cato is. I drop to my knees, and he looks up at me. I have to keep from shrieking at his appearance. Chunks of flesh have been torn off his neck and hands… but I can't focus on that now. I focus on his face, where three longs cuts, no doubt made by the Mutts claw, run down his cheek. He watches me, but then lets out another scream as a Mutt jumps and bites his neck.

"Cato! Listen to me, I will help you. But you need to come closer!" I scream at him. Peeta is behind me, and I can feel him yanking at my arm to try to pull me back. I whip around and slap his arm way, yelling at him to let me do this. His mouth hangs open in shock and he stumbles backwards. I turn back to Cato, who has inched closer to the Cornucopia, just enough for me to reach him. My hand shoots forward, and he reaches for me, but we both have to pull away when a Mutt makes trying to rip off our hands. I recognize the District One tribute, Marvel. Cato throws his sword into Marvel's neck and he drops dead. But now Cato is defenceless. I reach forward again, staring at him, begging him. He gives a final lurch and grabs my hand. His hand is bloody, and to my horror I can actually feel bone, but I grip it as tight as I can, which obviously hurts him. I pull him forward, and he grabs a ridge, but then a Mutt bites down on his leg and he howls in pain. He looks back at me, and I could tell he was thinking of just letting go.

"Just reach!" I hiss at him.

He grinds his teeth together, and then lurches forward and grabs a ridge and pulls himself halfway. I pull him up, and with one last yank, he falls to the metal ground beside me. He groans, and I crawl beside him.

"Are you going to kill me?" he mumbles. I glare at him. Did he really think I would go to all that trouble just to kill him?

"No. Why would I? I just risked my life to save you."

"Why did you do that?"

"You said you wouldn't kill me. Or was that a lie?"

"It was at the time."

My heart froze and I started to inch away from him. He smirked at me and then just smiled. "I said at the time," he said. "Don't worry." He added when he saw my face.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes." He said. I studied his eyes, to see if he was lying. But his eyes seemed clear and almost kind, and trustful. So I did. I scooted closer to him and he propped himself up on his elbows. He smiled at me, but suddenly I off the ground and thrown back. I was on my feet in a second, and I saw Peeta attacking Cato. Both of them were weakened, but Peeta more so. I was surprised he could throw me so easily. But Cato's howl of pain as Peeta stepped on his neck brought me back to reality. I grabbed my bow, but then I realised my last arrow was around Peeta's leg. But the bow itself is still very hard. I ran forward, and struck Peeta as hard as I could with the bow.

I could hear Haymitch screaming at me and calling me every fowl name in the book. I could feel the gasps of the Capitol audience, and the stares of everyone back home and their hatred for me rising to an unimaginable level. I had just helped a Career, and had hurt one of my own in the process. What I have done is unforgivable.

But what's done is done.

Cato is up and standing beside me, and suddenly he grabs my bow and smacks a Mutt away. My throat tightened when I saw those beautiful, large brown eyes. Rue. But then something slammed into me, and I fell to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing Katniss?!" Peeta yelled at me. He's pinned me to the ground, and I could see that he was starting to go grey from loss of blood.

"I trust him-"

"No! No you don't! He is a killer. I won't let you lie to yourself and have you killed at his hands! I would rather you die quickly and not in pain!" he yelled. I was speechless, and then I saw his hand snake up, and it held the knife. I couldn't believe he would do this. He must have gone insane. But then the knife went up to my neck.

"No!" I scream. Suddenly Peeta is gone; Cato is tossing him to the side like a rag doll. He landed on the ground with a thud, and I scrambled to my feet and Cato grabbed me by the arm. Peeta stood, and leaped forward, impressive considering he was so hurt. I shoved Cato the side, Peeta passed through us, went to the edge, knife held up. I became so scared in that second that I kicked him as hard as I could. Peeta lost his footing and slipped. He fell to the ground and the Mutts were on him a second. Merely moments later, the cannon went off.

Cato was still beside me, bloody and hurt, but alive. I looked at him, and he sighed and put his arm out, gesturing for me to come closer. I stepped closer, and he put his arm around me and leaned on me, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Are you in pain?" I ask him.

"What do you think, fire girl?" he says and snorts. Right on cue, a drop of blood falls from the gash on his cheek and lands on my head.

"I thought you're used to pain?" I asked.

"Ok, well let's throw you to the mutts and see how well you do," he grumbled. I rolled my eyes and began examining his wounds. Good thing he had the armor, because the wounds aren't life threatening but looked extraordinarily painful.

"Why aren't they doing anything?" he whispered. I knew he was talking about the Gamemakers. We're supposed to kill each other, but we're not so it must be getting boring. Suddenly we get our answer. A huge fireball came out, hits the Cornucopia and we fly over the side.

I scream as I land on the ground, because the fire has burnt my whole left side. My clothes are burned and my skin is already blistering. It is like the pain in my leg when I got burned earlier… but a thousand times worse. The pain is like nothing I have ever felt. Cato has scrambled to his hands and knees and I can see the raw skin where the flames ate the body armour.

The Mutts pounded over from the other side of the Cornucopia. He looked over, and then one of them jumped on him. He snarled and tried to fight back. Then one of them bit my leg, which was easily torn due to the raw skin. The pain was unbearable.

"Please! Make them stop!" I yell at the top of my lungs, praying they could hear me.

A hole opens up in the ground, and the Mutts bound into it. Cato and I are left on the ground. I began to feel tired… really tired. I saw blood on Cato and some blood starting to pool around me. I looked at Cato, who was on his side, and was holding his neck, where more skin was ripped off. He was turning grey from loss of blood.

"Cato…" I whispered.

"Katniss?" he mumbled and looked at me with his good eye. Only now did I notice that his other eye had claw mark going through it.

"Are we going to die?" I whisper. I knew it was a stupid question, but I felt so weak that I didn't care. Cato sighed, and then rolled on to his side. He groaned at the pain that it caused him.

"I think so. I'm sorry it had to end this way, Katniss." he whispers. I pull myself closer to him, my body screaming at the small movements.

"I'm sorry too. Listen... I... I helped you that night because... I felt scared to lose you. It scared you more than anything." I whisper.

"I don't want to lose you either." he whispers. His voice is so quiet, I can barely understand. I was starting to fade... Cato's face was blurring. I nodded and then dropped to the ground.

"Don't die on me now... Stay awake. Katniss... I love..." he gasped, and then fell silent. Everything blurred, and then I saw light... but I heard a sound... like a Hovercraft.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake later in a bed, in a room bathed in soft yellow light. There are tubes in my arm. My burnt skin is now smooth and flawless, my hearing has been fully restored and my burnt hair repaired. I try to sit up, but my limbs feel heavy and slow. Suddenly I hear the door and the Avox girl appears. She has a tray and sets it across my lap, and she pulls me into a sitting position. My throat is dry and cracked, but I force sound to come out.

"Did Cato survive?"

She nods and puts a spoon in my hand. I don't think she wanted me dead after all. It's hard to eat, but I finish my meagre meal of broth, applesauce and water. I begin thinking about home… and dread fills me. How can I show my face there? I killed Peeta… one of my own. They will hate me. But I was scared because he wanted to kill me… what was I supposed to do? And Cato was with me... The person I truly love. Cato, not Peeta. Suddenly a cold liquid seeps into my arm and I black out. This happens several times, I am only kept awake long enough to eat and then, finally, I am able to sit up. I see an outfit at the end of the bed which makes me shudder. It's the arena outfit. I dress and stand in front of a wall, when suddenly it opens and I walk into a deserted hallway. The first thing out of my mouth is Cato, but it's Effie Trinket's voice that greets my call. I walk into a large chamber where Haymitch, Effie and Cinna are sitting around a table. Haymitch looks like he wants to kill me. He stands, and walks over to me, and I immediately take a few steps back.

"What the hell have you done!?" he yells. I look away as soon as his sharp voice pierces the air.

"I... I need Cato, not Peeta..."

"You think I worked only to save you!? I worked to save both of you! Now Peeta is dead and his blood is on your hands!"

I shy away while he yelled. I try to shrink inside my body, to make myself smaller. I feel a protective arm around me, and I knew it was Cinna. I hide myself in Cinnas' shoulder, letting him shield me from the screams. Haymtich soon yelled himself out, but it was basically all the same thing.

_Peeta is dead. It's your fault. It will always be your fault. His blood will forever be on your hands. _

_You will never be forgiven. _

Haymitch grabs a bottle of spirits and stormed off. The last thing he said was never to speak to him again. Cinna gently pulls me out of the room and to a smaller, quieter room. We sit down on a couch… and I cry until no tears were left. Cinna just puts his arm around me and murmurs comforting words.

"I need Cato, Cinna. I... I think I love him,"I whisper.

"I understand, sweetheart. I understand," he whispers. Then I start to wonder if Cinna is in love. I have never asked him, but I am sure he does love someone.

"Do you think I'm a horrible person?" I ask him.

"No. You were protecting the person you care about. You were protecting him, and yourself. Peeta wanted to kill you. What you did was surprising, but not uncalled for." he murmurs in my ear.

I am so glad I have Cinna as my stylist. He is my closest friend in the Capitol, and I almost love him as much as I do for Gale.

Cinna is eventually able to coax me to the elevator, and it is a long ride to the penthouse. My prep team is there to greet us when the door opens, and they talk quickly to me and then sweep into the dining room where I'm fed. Then they take me back to my room, and Cinna slips away while my prep team leads me into the bathroom and ready my shower. Only then do I realize how tiny I am now. After my hot shower, my prep team work on me for an hour. They talk in an endless stream, and I mostly remain silent. They have the good grace not to talk about Peeta.

Cinna reappears holding my dress. It is a simple, soft yellow creation that ends at my knees. It's paired with sandals, and my hair is loose down my back held out of my eyes with a headband. The outfit is so understated compared to my other costumes... and it makes me look harmless and small. Like a girl.

Cinna takes me by the hand and leads me back to the elevator. I'm transported to a dimly lit area under the stage where I wait to rise up. Haymitch is leaning against a wall, and he is glaring at me. But there was a question I had for him. A question that has eaten at me for a long time.

"Why did they let us live?" I ask.

"Both of you were dying. They crowd was going insane. They had no choice," he responded and then turned and stalked into the shadows.

I wait. I'm scared now... There is no way the Capitol would be angry... Is there? Why would they? My thoughts consume me, until I feel the metal plate moving and lifting me up to the stage.

The light hurts my eyes, and the applause of the crowd hurts my ears. I look around, wildly, for someone I know... And my eyes fall on Cato. He is perfect, just like he was before the Hunger Games. A small smile is on his lips. I take a step forward, and then he fills the space between us. He puts an arm around me, and then leans down and his head rests in the curve of my shoulder. The crowd goes insane. Peeta, who was around my height, would have been able to do this with ease. But for Cato, is towers over me, it is a bit harder, but it doesn't seem to bother him. He stays like that for a moment, and then he leads me over to the small loveseat they've provided. It is very tiny, and Cato is huge. l lean into Cato's shoulder, and his arm goes around me and I curl tighter against him.

The interview goes on, and I answer as best I can. Cato does a lot of the talking, but then we have to the watch the twenty-two tributes die. The story this was year was a kind of love triangle. I hate it. I hate how they're focusing on Peeta, me and Cato instead of the brave children who died.

But they did show the deaths. I had to close my eyes through a lot of it. I knew Cato was watching, because he would squeeze my hand when a death would appear. When Clove's death flashed on the screen, I thought he was going to break all the bones in my hand. He had to look away for a moment afterwards, and then he was able to watch again. I joined him this time... because it was Peeta's death. I am happy that I looked truly scared when I kicked him, which I was.

The highlights end, and the anthem plays. President Snow walks on stage, and Cato and I rise. President Snow places the crowns on our heads. He nods and mutters a congratulation to Cato, and then goes over to me. He smiles and places the crown on my head. And then he flicks back a piece of my hair... and reveals my Mokcingjay pin. He glares at it, but he still has a smile on his face.

o0o

We're sent to the Victory Banquet, and I have trouble keeping up with the constant flashing of cameras, and people surronding us. As the evening wears on, I only want to leave and go back to my bed, but that obviously isn't an option. So I just grin and bear it. Cato is clutching my hand, surprisingly more than I am holding his. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of President Snow... and he looks furious.

Finally, just as the sun is lighting the sky with fire, we're taken back to the Training Center. Cato's mentor keeps him on the District Two level, while Effie brings me up to the twelfth floor. I say goodnight, and then change out of my dress, wash off all the makeup, put on a nightgown and crawl into bed. I curl up in a ball, and the faces of the dead tributes start to fill my head. I begin to tremble, but then there is a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" I call out. I am expecting to hear Effie's shrill voice, telling me it is a big, big day. But instead the door opens, and someone slips in. It's Cato. He closes the door quietly behind him and looks at me and nods at the bed. I nod my head, and he walks over and climbs in beside me. I curl up and snuggle into his chest, and he puts his arms around me. I feel so safe and warm in his embrace, wrapped in his muscled arms. He is resting his head on mine, and I can feel his breath on my hair.

"Have you been crying?" he whispers. Was I crying? I reach up and touch my cheek, and feel wetness. I guess I was.

"I was just thinking about them," I whisper.

"The tributes?"

"Yes..."

"Pain is apart of life, Katniss."

"I know it is. But this is unimaginable. No one should have to go through this," I say.

"I know," he responds and hugs me closer to his body. I close my eyes, and with the sound of the steady beating of Cato's heart, I fall asleep, safe in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

The faces of the people of my District 12 swarm in front of me. Cato is beside me, standing stiff and his eyes cold. His hand is gripping my wrist, and I'm waving. It is hard to look at their faces. Most look happy, but others look like furious. I see Gale with my sister on his shoulders. Prim is grinning, as is Gale. My mother stands beside them, and she has a look of pain and happiness on her face. I spot Peeta's family... and his brothers are glaring at me. His mother is stone faced. His father... the expression on his fathers face breaks my heart. He looks heart-broken.

o0o

Cato and I are soon ushered away. We're taken to the Victor's Village, and Cato and I are left in one of the houses. My mother and Prim are packing their things and will join us later.

Cato is sitting on the couch while I pace the floor, wringing my hands. The heart-broken, pained faces of the people of my District swim in front of my eyes.

"You're crying again." Cato says. I reach up and touch my face, and I feel wetness. I am crying again.

"Oh." I mutter. I go over to Cato and plop down beside him. He reaches over and wipes the tears away.

"Why were you crying?" he asks.

"The faces..." I whisper. I curl up and Cato wraps his arms around me. His arms are so long that they engulf me, which makes me feel safe. I bury my face in his chest and he rests his face on my hair. Suddenly, there is a loud knock on the door that makes both of us jump. I get out of Cato's arms, and go to the door, where I find Gale.

"Gale!" I gasp. He seems surprised that I'm so surprised at his sudden appearance. He glances into the house, and sees Cato. His face crumples, and he pulls me outside and then closes the door. He hugs me fiercely, and then holds me at arm's length.

"Is he staying here?" he growls.

"He has to go back to District 2... but he's coming back." I say.

He sneers at me, something I've never seen before. "He's not one of us. He's evil! We cannot forget what cannot be forgiven." he hisses. I glare at him. Who is he to say these things about the person I care about?

"I know he was not born here, but I don't care. I love him, Gale. I know what I did can never be forgiven, and I know that you can never fogive the Capitol, which means District 2. But, Gale, I need him... I'm sorry. I'll never leave him." I say. Gale takes a moment to process what I've just told him, but he does and then he nods.

"I still love you, Katniss." he whispers.

I feel horrible, but I don't love Gale. I hug him around my neck, and whisper in his ears. "I'm sorry Gale. You're my brother and I'll always love you... but in that way." He leans into my shoulder, and then releases me. I go back into the house, where Cato is waiting for me. He is sitting on the staircase, and his arms are open. I go into them, and then he kisses me. I realize that this is my first kiss. And I love it. I crawl on his lap and he pulls me close.

"These are dark times, Katniss." he whispers.

"I know. No one knows the pain we've been through, what we've seen. How are we going to survive? Everynight I see their faces..." I whisper.

"I know... but we can survive. We will. I love you," he whispers and leans his head against mine. I nod and curl up tighter.

Our lives will never be easy. We'll be tortured by the faces of the children that have died. The Capitol will torture us. Our Districts may always hate us. But we can't change it.

We will survive. Like Cato said. We will survive because we have each other. We will survive because I love him. And he loves me.

We will survive.


End file.
